Insomniac dream

What do you do when words loose meaning

action knows no thought ?exsistence knows no cause

you begin to struggle with meaning

You fumble to feel

Expression sets into a moulded parody

sense seems to arise from the jaded projections around you

a bit of you loses itself as it yearns for the rest of it

Consequences are only judged on the reactions

individualism is fought to normality

leading to armies of senseless drones

Subdued personas are extinguished

with the ruthlessness of the need of blended existence.

When normality is extreme,

you yearn to feel

You just want it all to feel real

Thats when you get up from the dream.

A.S.A

In search of Me

Through deep dives off darkness
Long walks into the light,
Lonely evenings of tumulation
You held my arms,
My head buried in your insight
Showed me the brighter side.
My every laugh, anger and ache
You met with the same love.


Your changing moods
Showed the spectrum of life
The Healing touch of love
To an ear that would listen to all my rage.
You were what let me be .. Me.

I remember our first meeting
One glance was all it took
For the trance to begin
You filled me with hope,
Imagination and a fervour to be better.
I was not the first to be seduced
Yet to me you seemed different.

You showed me reason for good,
not for comparisons or worldly acceptance
for inner tranquility, that took me in the search of me.
Actions brave enough that changed not history
nor shaped the future but those
that spoke to the soul and they did the rest.
You showed what it was to, be.

I can still feel the linger of your intoxicating scent,
As i held you in my arms ,
your cascading tone took me into your world,
In your depths i saw brightness of the sky
felt the sweet summer breeze kissing my face
and learnt what it is meant to truly believe.

As it comes to an end,
With each turning page,
that fades before my eyes
I yearn for more of you,
There was so much more to be told,
to be imagined, to be realised.

With you last words grasped,
I fold you in my arms,
every word that I had written
Every word that I had read
Just ran through my head
As i put you away on the shelf,
I realise one thing
You were... Me...

A.S.A


Dedicate this to every reader, aspirational writer, dreamer and believer.

Movie'drama

You know its not a day at the movies

when the 2 hour wait does not tell you what its all about

Where the bad guy does not have a mole

the cutest chick is not for you

your friend does not take that bullet

Where a "hello" just doesnt do it..

there is no signal to call for help

Where tights are laughed at

There is no slow motion when the bus hits you

You dont end up with the bags of money

There is no saving the day

where a line does not divide good from the bad

There is no plan to make things work

no cameo that saves everything

no divine light that brings you from death

where there are no dreams

your in a constant limbo

thats when you know your in.....

A Deep Dive..

There it lay lying on the ocean floor
shining amidst the corals and the rocks
he lunged deeper and deeper after it
Till his insides started burning
Started to feel like his insides
wanted to rip themselves open
so they wouldn`t have to struggle for air.

unable to take the brunt of the ocean
he turned around and clammered to the top
There, breathing heavily he looked around
they all were there diving to collect their fortunes
diving to fulfill what they were meant to do
diving to get the pearls that seemed to be the only things that mattered.
with more people vying for bright beginnings,
they became harder to come by.

the light was fading this would be his last try.
/he took the last deep dive,
through the waters he remembered
the first time he met the ocean and her breeze
the caress of her waves , and later the fury of her storms.
His love for her had not diminished, but now lost in his need.
She could not be controlled but only embraced.

His pleasures turned to frustration of disapointment
With anger, frustration and desperation he lunged.
Nothing would stop him, this one would not be missed.
With so many around to make sure his losses would be counted
he could not think of any other option

Each effort strained his tired arms and legs.
His eyes searched for the elusive spot
As he saw it in front of him
it only made his will stronger
he pushed himself and waded though the water

In the crevice between the corals and rocks as seen it lay
With only a few feet left and his lungs throbbing uncontollably
he pushed himself
Finally he reached the ocean floor
took the pearl in his hands
reassured his efforts were not in vain
he turned around to the bright beginning
when he felt his leg get stuck

Stuck in a long plant reeth he tried to entangle himself
Then suddenly they gave way
the salted water entered his lungs
He tried hard to detach himself, entangled in the struggle of life
He failed, stopped pushing himself
all movement stopped
he had failed to embrace her but she embraced him
he lay entangled near the ocean floor
with his future clenched tight in his hand

?*@#@$%SS

Is it madness to smile to that tune..

Is it madness if you want to dance to it..even though your alone ??

Is it madness to want her to be there before you finish ??

Is it madness to smile even when the last step is finished alone ..

Is it madness to like the pain ?

Evening at Joe`s

The blazer came on.
he ran his fingers through his long hair ,
wore his black polished shoes
looked at himself in the mirror,
his black trousers with the black jacket
the white shirt with the thin black tie
it was the usual, which still seemed to turn faces
and get those second looks that made these evenings more exciting


"Good evening Ladies and Gentleman
Welcome to Joe`s and we hope you have a lovely evening"

Every night he started with the same line
at the simply named overly charged restaurant
habitually adjusted his black tie
and began with the first song for the evening
a slow number to set the mood
for the innumerable families and couples who had come to have a good time

In between Elvis and Billy Joel
those slender legs held up by cindrella`s heels
walked in and sat alone at the end
her knee length black dress
seemed to kiss every inch of her skin not wanting to let go
the diamond necklace a passionate lover embracing her neck, dazzling in her love
those slender long earrings on the sides of her face
wanting to be as close to her supple cherubic face as she might allow
For the first time he struck the wrong note on his guitar

lost in his notes she seemed to smile
at each of his strung strings
his eyes never left her her eyes dazzling with innocence
filling the room with a warmth that only her touch could explain
then..
then suddenly the entire world around him seemed to stop
the noise had been drowned for nothing could be heard
all seemed to be lost and only she seemed to be there
when her eyes met his and stopped
his strings moved
his lips sang
but his heart stopped.

The door swung open again this time
a hurried walk, a hug and a kiss later
his heart didn`t want to beat this again
the man his age , smartly dressed in a suit
seemed to be one of those bankers
that had everything insured and every step mapped

The noise sprung up again and he seemed to drown
the evening was half way through and his fingers felt tired
the aroma was now filled with the dishes being served
It was another evening at Joe`s

He adjusted his tie and started the evening
syllables were only met with the clinging chandeliers
the whispers were louder and the queer dishes were the usual
then.. it happened
she walked in again in a silken purple gown
her neck adorned with pearls

She sat at the same table
lost in trouble that hid her innocence today
hey eyes still enthralled him
his mind lead his eyes elsewhere but his heart kept winning
the evening was coming to an end
he was surprised to find her company had not arrived
as he was about to finish he looked at the back and saw that she had left

The tie was made tighter and the syllables started
She came in a white dress
sat at the same table ,
her innocence sparkled ,
then he feared it would all happen again
the mind over came and his eyes didn`t veer towards her

She came on evenings and sat there on the table
some days troubled, some days dazzling as ever
her company did not arrive
but she sat through each evening

One evening as he ended he tightened his tie
till he couldn`t anymore
then as he took of his guitar and looked up
she stood there in front of him, in her red dress.
it stopped, the mind had disappeared
alll he could muster was " I hope you enjoyed your evening"

She looked into his eyes, smiled
she said " the food isn`t great here,
the ambiance can get stifling,
its you that keeps bringing me back here "

Adieu

With a gentle kiss
he bid her adieu
walked along he was late
there was no time

Time had to wait
for the material conquests
they were what mattered now

He had reached for his daily butchery
slowly he killed each towering grey
As he moved each of his fingers
he convinced each thought
each motion was just
each swing was right
there was no right or wrong only forward

He toiled till his forearms couldnt bear the ache
he stopped looked around and saw with the same stoned look, what was..
As he walked back all he could think was about her,
her scent seemed to still linger
her touch still on his arms
her silken hair leaning on his shoulder as he held her

Each tired step took him home
where he rested for this ordeal
the glass house showed all those peering eyes
that looked in darkness or light
those eyes lead him to many actions
those eyes lead him to norm and mediocrity
those eyes lead him away ..
From him

He woke with a pain
a daze that didn`t lift
a blur that didn`t clear
He walked straight to the slaughtery
He couldn`t meet her today for there was no time
time could not wait today


Towering Grey`s fell
The mind now was a norm
actions had mediocrity where they didn`t think
the eyes saw no difference

As he walked away
her scent seemed distant
her touch was lost with the scathing rain
her silken hair had been blown away..

Time did not wait..

He ran back blinded through the darkness
searching for her..
Longing for that laughter
Longing for that touch
Longing for that innocence

He ran.. he ran till his sole bled
the world didn`t seem the same
he didn`t know the way
with a stumble he fell in the wet gravel

Bruisen, on his knees
he screamed in pain
he screamed in angst
he screamed in love

how was he to know
that evening he had bid adieu to life?.


ADIEU to Life.